Onision Forums: Onision Forums -> Mi Hermano

Years have passed, still no brother.
I yearn for the day he returns.
I can’t settle for my other,
His love burns.

Next to my bookcase is his picture.
I love him more than I could my own.
His mood is like a fire and ice mixture.
He never loved me, wanted to be left alone.

He can’t feel this way now.
He has grown, and so have I.
He loves me somehow.
If he doesn’t, I wish I would die.

I can’t live not knowing where or who he is anymore.
I remember that dreadful day he left me.
Screamed, “I’m not your brother, don’t love me…”
Packed, and then slammed the door.
I’ve tried for years to find him, should I waste my time even more?
Is it wasted time if I end up getting what I desire?
My blood rises and my tension grows hire.

I can’t even speak in full sentences without stuttering. I can’t properly hold a knife.
This will drive me to insanity. This will be the cause of the end of my life.
I can’t be who I wish if a part of me is gone.
I can’t be happy if I keep singing this gloom song.

I want to move on, but how can I without dying?
I will never again see him, but I keep denying.
What is it that makes me keep on trying?
Is it those last words he said to me that makes me what to prove him wrong?
Does it matter anymore if I can’t find him and he is forever gone?

What is it that keeps me up at night praying to the ceiling I could see him again?
These nightmares have grown worse about him; I can’t avoid the movie in my head.
Over and over he is on my mind. I will never have a firm stand.
I can’t bring myself to defend myself if it means causing pain. I’m not at all a man.
I’m a coward and a freak because I’m a guy yet I love.
Mocked by girls, beaten and robbed by thugs.

I don’t want sympathy, I don’t envy comfort, nor do I crave attention for my distress.
Poetry is the only way I don’t lose it, the only way my feelings I can truly express.

Brother, if you are reading this, know that I now hate you.
Not you my blood, but the demon whom overtakes you.
You’ve caused me so much pain, all I wanted was love.
Never have you told me you loved me, not a smile, not even a hug.
You think you’re so different from me, but we are more the same than you think we are.
You wanted love, acceptance from our family, but never got it either. You never had to look far.
I was here this whole time, but you think I’m like the rest you say.
I found the note you hid in your closet. I must tell you, I too, am gay ~




"If you have a brother or a sister, tell them you love them. Tell them you are sorry for anything wrong you might have done against them. Don't seek an apology from them for what they might have done to you. Seek forgiveness and love. Tell them you will always be there for them. If you are the older sibling, be a good role model, because whether you realize it or not, they do look up to you. If you are the younger sibling, don't give them a hard time, don't annoy them. In this world, when you get older, they may be all you have. They'll be there to help you with rent money, or bail you out of jail or borrow their car. One day they won't be there and you will wish you would have done something to change that."